The wind was whipping across the dock, chilling me to the bone. I might have been able to ignore the chill and let the warmth within me chase it away if I felt more secure about the situation surrounding me. Worrisome thoughts popped through my mind like kernels in a bag of microwave popcorn. What did this day hold? Would the relationship I cherished be as dear to the one I was meeting as it was to me? Would my heart break again, torn into pieces like the fragile petals of a flower blown by the wind?
When he arrived, I reached out with love but it was not returned. My practical side took over. Logic gave me reasons to understand this response and how to make it comfortable for the one I longed to see and those around me.
We had a brief time together over lunch but the air was charged with tension and defensiveness. When we parted, fear took the place of worry. Along with the popping thoughts came the arrows of anxiety to my heart.
My husband and I returned to our quiet hotel room. Tired from the journey and the stressful morning’s encounter with the one we came so far to see, he flipped on the television until he could fall asleep. I grabbed my Bible and the devotional I had brought along. In there, I found comfort for my grieving heart.
I looked for a piece that would speak to my pain, and I found the day on grief. Help me, Lord, I thought. This was not how I hoped this day would be.
Words from the devotional went straight to my hurting heart as I read them again and again and again. In them, the author wrote as if Jesus were speaking to me. He was saying that He knew my pain and that He felt my grief. He knew I had lost a treasure that day, one that was held deeply in my heart. But if I would open my hand that was grasping my heart, He would not only put the pieces back in place but He would restore it as well. I had peace for the evening. The next day, the Lord began to put some pieces together as He brought more warmth and love into that fragile relationship.
Tonight as I read over this devotional, I am reminded of how involved the Lord is with my life. How much He loves me. How deeply He desires to heal my broken heart. Oh, it’s not whole yet. There are still arrows of anxiety that spear my heart and a grief that overtakes my soul from time to time. But He has touched my heart again.
Are you grieving or do you feel forsaken? Find your rest in the Lord.
“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live…
“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” Psalm 116: 1,2, and 7 NIV
The devotional I have been using and continuing to devour is “A Taste of Satisfaction” by Kay Harms. “Becoming satisfied with the Bread of Life.”
From My Heart to Yours,
Linking with Scripture and a Snapshot, Spiritual Sundays, The Sunday Community, Playdates with God, and Solio Deo Gloria