I’ve been down this road at least three times since May. You would think I’d know my way by now. The Way to avoid the forks in the road marked uncertainty, disharmony, bitterness, rebellion, anger, control, pride, fear. However, it seems I falter on the well known path, and lose my Way on at least one fork in the road, if not all.
Words fly, inflicting pain. Hot tempers erupt. Eyes glare. The blame moves around the room. The once secure foundation cracks a little more, and with every fissure, it seems the possibility of repair becomes a monumental task. While fear attempts to strangle me and say I’m doomed, I’ve found a peace uncommon for me. One that does not fit my need to fear until my hopes and prayers are answered. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t quite understand it. But in the midst of this trial, I have peace–at least most of the time.
It’s nothing I have done. I haven’t read His word for longer periods of time or even sat with Him for more time. I do talk to Him most of the day, though, pouring out my heart’s request, my desire to put the pieces back together. And others are praying.
Today, I found the greatest peace in songs of worship that speak of God’s faithfulness, strength and grace even when I have not been faithful. Is my heart still breaking? Yes. Is there still a doubt that assails me? Yes. Does my stomach still quiver with uneasiness at times? Yes. But He’s Been Faithful to show me the Way, and by His grace, I will trust Him to be Faithful, again.
“He’s been faithful, faithful to me (He’s been faithful) /
“if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” 2 Timothy 2:12 NIV