|Questions Need Soul Answers-Psalm 131|
I could feel the depression creep into my skin like an insidious attack of insects looking for a winter home in which to roost. I flipped my head to the other side on my soft pillow, hoping to rub out the feeling of invasion and a Saturday morning filled with dreariness.
Only the morning’s grogginess filled my waking mind at first. But once the invasion began, my contemplation of the day ahead became sullied with thoughts of weariness, a whisper of unworthiness, a flashlight beaming on my failures, and a gut-wrenching lie that my life was empty.
I wanted to bury my head and go back to sleep. I glanced at the clock and then punched my mattress and pushed myself out of bed.
This day would begin NOW!
But, “Why, Lord?” was the question that haunted me. “When will I awake with joy–the joy you promised so long ago? The joy that will last forever regardless of the circumstances?”
The Lord answered my cry in many ways filled with joy. He sent a friend to say, “Hi” while she was out biking with her husband. I let my husband visit while I hid in the laundry room in my nightgown. Too embarrassed to be seen schlepping around in jammy wear at such a late hour of the morning. I hid. An interesting response considering the morning’s meditations. Yet the Lord offered a joyful counter to the thought of “emptiness.”
I wandered upstairs and pushed the start button on my computer, then left to change my clothes and do more chores. I returned to check my email for another extra-sale coupon from Michael’s arts and crafts store. But the Lord had a better surprise for me.
There in my email was a note from Pam@ 2 Encourage. She wrote that my blog was her featured blog of the week. And she designed a most beautiful button to represent my blog. Amazement and joy filled my heart as I read her note through glassy eyes.
“Lord, You know how to counter the negative thoughts and feelings that come over me, ” I wrote in my journal. “You put joy in my heart when I least expect it. How much I need to focus on Your word and not worry about being perfect. Just know I am loved–a love I never earned and one I never have to strive to keep. Thank you for your love.”
The devotional I read today was called, “Why Me?” and it really ministered to my questions for the Lord. He is the Lord, and He knows the circumstances and emotions that we go through in life. He also knows His reason for allowing them. All He requires of us is to trust Him and believe He has the situation under control. I like one of the points made by the writer–we probably wouldn’t understand “why” even if the Lord gave us the answer. We just need to quiet our souls in His arms. Keep our hearts humble and concerned only with Him.
“But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.
“O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.” Psalm 131:2-3 NIV